shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My penis needs a shock collar
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
