Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
