What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
