she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
