Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
