She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
