If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
