Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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