we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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