I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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