# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
