I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
where are my eyebrows?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
