I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
