If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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