dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My bed smells like the plague
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
