I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
