M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just tell him i said nine months
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
