...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
