Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
