Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
