I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
