I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
