I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
