The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
