something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
