i think my tv is drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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