if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
