Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
