I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
