pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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