No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
