The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
