How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
