You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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