he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
