My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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