my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
