Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
