I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
3pm strippers are depressing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
