My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
