Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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