She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
