I wish I could punch you in the face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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