We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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