We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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