Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
