he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
