You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
