I'm going to jail i love you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
