Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
