I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
