So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
These tits shall not be calmed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
