Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
