like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
