Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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